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In recent days, I've found myself involved in multiple forms of dialogue around a very concerning incident. There is one angry little fella who insists that his perspective is the only valid one. When I don’t agree, he engages in a frustrating cycle of repetition, expecting that if he says the same thing often enough, I’ll finally concede. This kind of interaction isn’t just annoying; it highlights a more significant issue we see all too often in our cultural dialogue: gaslighting. As a therapist, I can tell you that gaslighting is a term I’ve used for a long time, but it’s only recently gaining attention in our society. Gaslighting occurs when someone tries to devalue your beliefs or experiences, making you question your reality. This tactic is often employed by those who feel threatened or know they’re wrong, hoping to manipulate the narrative in their favor. If you find yourself in situations where someone is gaslighting you, listen to that little voice in your head that says, “Hey, this doesn’t feel accurate.” It’s vital to acknowledge your experiences and emotions. If you’ve been gaslit frequently, you might start doubting yourself, thinking, "Maybe I am overreacting," or "Maybe they’re right, and I’m wrong for being upset." Let me give you permission—yes, even if you think you don’t need it—to pause. Take a deep breath and reflect. Ask yourself if what they are saying aligns with your lived experience. If it doesn’t, stand your ground. Your feelings are valid, and your experiences matter. Engaging with someone who employs gaslighting can be intimidating. I recognize my privilege in having the personality (and at times lack of a filter) to call people out when they are doing this. It’s okay if you do not have the safety or ability to speak out. So, here is what you do: If the situation becomes overwhelming, excuse yourself from the conversation. Use whatever excuse you need—even shouting out that you have diarrhea and running from the gaslighter. What matters is preserving your mental health and well-being. We can all agree to disagree on various issues, including intentions, reasoning, or solutions, but we can never disagree about your feelings or experiences. They belong to you, and you have the right to express them without fear of invalidation. Stand firm in your principles and values. You don’t have to be liked; you just need to be true to yourself. Sometimes that means pushing back against others and making it clear that their messaging doesn’t resonate with you. Your voice deserves to be heard, and your truth must be recognized. Let’s prioritize authenticity over appeasement, create spaces where every experience is valid, and collectively challenge the gaslighting that diminishes our voices. It’s time to stand strong and advocate for ourselves and each other. I'd love to hear how you recognize and stand up to gaslighting in your world.

Recently, a very serious allegation was made against a teacher at my children’s school, and it became clear that some individuals made a decision to prioritize the educational needs of a few over the safety needs of everyone. This situation left me feeling unsettled and angry. It raised significant questions about how decisions are made and who is really being protected. As a social worker, I’ve had my share of experiences advocating for others, but that doesn’t mean I’m immune to strong emotions. I lost my cool during this ordeal. That’s okay; it happens to the best of us. What’s important is to take a moment to reflect and figure out why this situation is causing such a visceral response. What values are being threatened? What are we really feeling when confronted with issues that affect our community? Another frustrating aspect of this experience is the tendency towards institutional gaslighting. It's disheartening when those in power imply that we’re overreacting or that our concerns are unfounded. This kind of invalidation can make you doubt your feelings and the reality of the situation. But our emotions are real, and they matter. We have every right to demand accountability and clarity when it comes to our children’s safety. If you find yourself in a similar position as an expat parent trying to advocate for your child or community and feeling confused and unsure of how to act, here are some insights on how to organize and advocate effectively as an expat. First, ground yourself in what you feel. Pay attention to your reactions and the values that are being challenged. Is it about safety? Fairness? Transparency? Understanding these roots will help guide your actions moving forward. Next, educate yourself on the structure around the issue. Who holds decision-making power? This might include the school administration, a board, parent representatives, or external organizations like the AEFE. Knowing the hierarchy is crucial for directing your questions and focusing your advocacy efforts. Connect with other parents. Start simple—ask how they feel about the situation and gauge their concerns. Many might be experiencing similar frustrations, and when you come together, that collective voice is much louder than any individual speaking alone. Once you’ve gathered a few parents who share your concerns, organize your efforts. This doesn’t have to be formal; a simple group chat can work wonders. Share experiences, compile questions, and determine what specific actions you want to take. Make sure the focus remains on shared values instead of personal critiques. When you're ready to engage with school leadership, be clear and direct about your concerns. Request transparency and accountability regarding the decisions being made. Ask for meeting minutes, written clarifications, or a public forum for discussing these issues. There’s power in a calm, respectful tone; you’re advocating for everyone rather than attacking individuals. Don’t forget to document everything. Keep records of emails, conversations, and any decisions made regarding the situation. Not only does this protect you, but it sets a precedent for accountability within the institution. If conversations take a vague turn, having documented facts supports your position. As I was taught in my early training to be a social worker "If you didn't document, it didn't happen". Understand that speaking up as an expatriate can feel daunting. You might worry about overstepping cultural boundaries or triggering backlash. But remember, your voice counts just as much as anyone else’s when it comes to your children’s safety and well-being. Advocacy doesn’t have to be confrontational; it can be a collaborative effort toward positive change. By asking tough questions and encouraging transparency, you’re helping to foster a culture of trust that benefits everyone. If you find yourself in a situation that doesn’t sit right, it’s okay to acknowledge how you feel. Take a step back, reflect on those emotions, and talk to others about them. You don’t need to have all the answers before you begin advocating. You just need to care enough to speak up. Your voice matters. Even as a guest, you have the power to make your community stronger. This is how change begins—one conversation, one organized effort, and one act of courage at a time.

Companies invest heavily in international assignments, yet many fail—not because the employee lacks capability, but because they and their families struggle with the realities of expat life. Selecting the right candidate isn’t just about expertise. It’s about resilience, adaptability, and family readiness. Employers who assess these factors holistically improve assignment success rates and reduce costly early returns. Why Do Expat Assignments Fail? Failure rates for expat assignments range from 20 to 40 percent, with some industries experiencing even higher numbers. The primary reason is family adjustment issues. Sixty-five percent of assignment failures are due to spouse or family dissatisfaction with the new location. Cultural adaptation challenges account for about 30 percent of failures. Career concerns of the accompanying spouse lead many expats to return home early. When an expat struggles personally, their work performance suffers, making the entire relocation effort less effective. Capability vs. Capacity: A Critical Distinction Many organizations focus on capability —technical skills, experience, and professional achievements. While these are essential, they are not enough. A successful expat needs capacity —the emotional resilience, flexibility, and mindset to thrive in a new culture. Without it, even the most skilled employees may struggle. Assessing Capability (What the Employee Can Do) Industry expertise and technical skills Leadership experience Problem-solving and decision-making abilities Past success in global or cross-cultural roles Assessing Capacity (How Well They Can Handle the Expat Assignment) Emotional resilience and adaptability Openness to new cultures and ways of life Ability to handle stress and uncertainty Strong communication skills in diverse settings Family’s willingness and ability to adapt A candidate may be the best in their field, but if they lack the mindset to embrace change—or if their family isn’t on board—the assignment is at risk before it even begins. Key Questions to Ask Before Hiring an Expat A holistic assessment of an expat candidate includes both professional and personal factors. Employers and mobility teams should ask: Employee Readiness Have they successfully navigated cultural differences before? Are they open to discomfort and uncertainty? How do they handle stress and setbacks? Have they lived outside their home country before? Family Readiness Does their spouse or partner fully support the move? What are their children’s educational and social needs? Have they discussed expectations and challenges openly as a family? How adaptable has the family been in past relocations? Support Systems What company resources are available to assist with integration? Is there a community or network to help the family adjust? What mental health and well-being resources are provided? A Personal Perspective: When the Right Fit Works When my family moved to India, people assumed it would be a difficult transition and we would carry out our assignment and quickly return to the US. Instead, we thrived. We embraced the culture, built friendships, and found that the challenges made us stronger. So much so that we have signed two extensions (so far) and continue to grow from this experience. This isn’t because we had all the answers. It’s because we were prepared for the challenges and willing to adapt. Companies that assess expat candidates holistically—beyond just their job skills—set them up for success. Expat success is about more than just professional expertise. A great candidate needs the right mindset, resilience, and family support. When companies evaluate both capability and capacity, they make better global assignments. This reduces failures, improves productivity, and ensures happier, more engaged expats. Want to ensure your next expat placement is a success? Let’s talk.

Are you raising a child who’s growing up between cultures, and wondering how to best support them in navigating this unique journey? My course, "Raising Third Culture Kids (TCKs)," is designed specifically for parents like you who want to understand and embrace the incredible opportunities and challenges that come with raising a TCK. In this course, you’ll gain valuable insights into what it means to be a Third Culture Kid, explore the distinct benefits and challenges they face, and learn practical strategies to help your child thrive in their multicultural world. We'll dive deep into topics like identity formation, emotional resilience, cultural adaptability, and how to maintain a sense of stability in the ever-changing expat lifestyle. Through engaging video lessons, personal stories, and research-based insights, you'll discover how to support your child’s development, foster open-mindedness, and create a loving, stable environment that helps them feel connected, confident, and proud of their unique cultural blend. You'll also receive downloadable handouts filled with tips and resources to guide you along the way. Join me on this journey to better understand your child’s world and empower them to navigate life as a Third Culture Kid with confidence and joy. Enroll today and give your child the tools they need to succeed in their multicultural adventure! Ready to start this journey together? Purchase the course now and take the first step in raising a happy, resilient, and well-rounded Third Culture Kid.